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| Firin' my Lazor! |
I like to write about days that will one day make me laugh and cry. I know they will make me laugh and cry some day because I can tell they are the sweetest days of a bittersweet stage of my life that might be fleeting faster than I can know. Im doubt this ‘feeling’ I have about myself and the world around me will carry through to my elder years. Part of the reason why is because I see how fickle my beliefs about my own life have been in the past. When I was younger, I would make silent determinations to myself: I would never get ‘old’ or that I would find a way to make every year better than the one that came before it. These statements fell apart like how trees die — bit by bit, hidden to the eye as they become hollow and then a storm hits and suddenly they’re definitely dead forever.
“every year of life just gets better.” -- dumb me
Libraries in Seattle give away a few free tickets to the local museums through a link on their main website. I happened to be perusing the other day and got myself tickets to the Aquarium. Nobody seemed to be available, so I went by myself. The place was swamped with little children running around exclaiming and crawing over each other and doing what kids do. My sister called me the second I stepped into the building: “You dummy! Didnt you know Thursdays are field trip days?” It annoyed and kind of upset me at first, but I warmed up to it by the end. I plugged my Beats by Dr. Dre headphones into some recommendations for atmospheric underwater-y music; Ott and Tipper and I sauntered through the aquarium. I met a really nice older man giving fish their daily feeding and I felt like I could see through him to his life as a college kid studying biology at university. I hung out with him for 30 minutes — mostly just staring into coral — and watching how differently octopus, fish, crustaceans, vegetation, and eels react to food. A little dark haired, bespectacled, olive skinned girl from one of the field trip groups scooted in front of me and asked some questions of the old man about the fish — what they eat and something, rather. As I tried to leave the aquarium, all signs were telling me to stick around a bit longer, and that same girl ended up sitting right at my foot for the day’s Octopus Feeding. She interrupted the presentation to ask questions twice, despite the request to ‘hold questions.' That’s a future scientist :). the octopus was cool. I liken its consistency to ball skin, but on a scale I had never considered. It’s lobe head — its ‘mantle’ — really does look like a testie. The feeding ended up being lackluster and I left for my office.
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| Ancient Grounds "Coffee Shop" -- World's Best Latte (Read: Coffee from Elf) |
I never really wanted to end up at my office, but it was my destination until, I came by a sign “Seattle’s most interesting and best latte???” I walked by the sign, laughing to myself. I looked back at the other side of the stand up sign and it said “Seattle’s best latte.” I appreciated the additional security. I headed into Ancient Grounds. It was the kind of mish-mash of ideas that belongs back in the era of mom and pop and book shops and the 50’s before anything made sense. The owner was a gaunt, towering fellow and some sort of collector of artifacts — from Japan, China, and mostly some African country(s?) I couldnt identify. There was a woman with great cleavage talking to an older man about real estate and I sat down to a mediocre latte and broke out my computer for some office work. I had a second latte which the man assured me would be half priced (and wasnt) and asked some questions about collecting and selling things. The man expressed typical old-man ‘this is a dying industry’ thoughts and I left. His store gave me the idea of buying dirt cheap hardbacks from my local workplace and reselling them at the internet for moderate profits. If I can streamline the process, I think I could have a solid literary side hustle going on — so that’s why we’ve got to protect the coral reef and biodiversity.
"Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty."-- Derek Zoolander
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| Bitch dont kill my invertebrate |
I took the bus over to Bellevue and was early for my appointment. I had more than an hour to burn and NBA playoffs were on so I decided to stop into one of my favorite local bars for a quiet drink. As I head to the bar and am about 10 feet away, I register Richard Sherman in my periphery, sitting dead-center with company. I sit a few chairs away take out my computer and order a bud light. Richard Sherman is rooting for the Oklahoma City Thunder, who are playing the Houston Rockets. I recently heard a quote saying something like that you can’t not treat a celebrity like a celebrity; you can only try to keep your cool. I didnt want to feed into that and so I left the guy alone even when one fan initiated a request for autographs and people flash flooded into an orderly line. I was contented with sharing his presence and just appreciating what I know is good about him and his ethics and interpersonal strength: Good things to meditate on as a 20-something. Better than xhampster, anyways. I had my drink and did some computer and left the bar.
I finished my afternoon tutoring session and decided to do something I shouldn’t. See, while I was tutoring a girl sat down at the library-volunteer-tutor table and verbalised that there was no one there to help her. Indeed, there was someone at the 2nd tutor table but he seemed to be wilfully ignoring the girl. I overheard him and he was a garbage tutor. Don’t quit your day job, buddy. I sat next to her at the otherwise vacant volunteer table and asked if I could help. She was happy for me to help and I tried to keep it together for her while I planned exit strategies depending on who might get pissed at me. Once I had sat down, I wouldnt let myself leave until the girl got the help she needed. When we had finished, the little girl announced her own name as ‘Ebony’ and offered to shake my hand. It was really sweet.
Thinking about that fear I felt when I sat down to help Ebony got me to reflect about a quote I told myself as I began to hear its antitheses among my peers: “I will never be one of those creepy guys that ‘feels old.’” I’ve found out life is alot more complicated than I thought it was and I have accepted my transition along with corresponding rapid hair loss. In that moment, I felt embarrassed that I was a full grown man putting his neck on a chopping block in order to impress a child. They do that in the movies, but not in real life. My smile is half as charming as a rule-breaking, young Brad Pitt and my quick wit is like 1/10 that — and I am vastly underpaid.
Really, Ebony knew everything and was a really smart girl. I think she was just looking for a push, which I felt compelled to give. If you believe in something, you simply must stand up — balding and all. That’s why it’s cool to share space with someone like Richard Sherman, who can be brave and express his thoughts. I can do the same at my best, but my ability to articulate goes right out the window. In fact — OMG — today Im walking in downtown Seattle and a young girl who looks rough around the edges clasps her hands together in a begging gesture and asks me for some money to get on the bus. I say no, and she says “faggot.” I almost spit out the words "did you just call me a faggot?” She cant hold my gaze. She says “Yeah, I called you a faggot, faggot.” I retort “YOURE…” and I eat the rest of my words and walk away. I wish I could have channeled Kid Cudi and pointed out that she couldnt say those words and look into my eyes. I wish I could have channeled Lil B and told her that if she hates me I love her too. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says to use principles you believe in — ostensibly ‘good' ones — as the foundations for action. I didnt have that in me and it was all I could do to walk away. I wonder if I can change that about me. Being so serious. I wonder if I should. A younger me might have done any of those things. What would you have done?
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| How much does a dollar really cost? Embrace your (hair) loss, I am a shark hat. |
