All of a sudden, I have just one week remaining here in San Pedro la Laguna.
Life on the lake has delivered. I feel I've lived through profound phases. I will make time to decompress.
First I felt fearless. Then trepidation settled in, heavy. That dissipated. Now... Now I'm feeling a calm somewhere in-between.
Bye Bye Russ
Russell
Wilson was traded from my favorite NFL team, the Seattle Seahawks. He
is a hero of mine. Without Russell Wilson, I would never have moved to
Seattle. For that, he has been a major figure in my life. I recall
attending his game against the Washington Football Team (Now:
Commanders) this past year, waiting in the bitter cold at the team
busses just to see him. The reason he left is that he doesnt believe
Seattle is capable of winning Superbowls anymore. Our leader is leaving
because he believes we've peaked... It's like when a good man leaves you
because you cant seem to give up your hoe ways, even though you said
you would, but you caynt...
Ecstatic Dance
I
attended Ecstatic Dance last night. It's not just a 5 hour dance party.
It's a DJ-guided descent into chaos/ecstasy. At the end of that
journey, the participant arrives in a profound state inside themselves.
It takes release and trust to arrive.
??? What does Cacao feel like ???
As
far as I could tell, the effect of cacao is something between a coffee
and a beer. I felt loose and loopy as the dance got going.
Cacao Ceremony
Estatic
dance is a 5-hr long event. Those who arrived early enough participated
in a cacao ceremony, but people were welcome anytime after.
Ecstatic Dance is not as much anti-drug as it is pro-sobriety, and I did the event with nothing more than ceremonial cacao.
A
cacao ceremony unites its participants in embibing a coffee-like drink
in the context of the giving and loving nature of earth as a mother.
The
leader of the ceremony addressed the 30-or so particpants as souls
who'd joined in on with the intent to enliven this place and time; like
kids releasing into recess.
He spoke about the cacao; where it'd come from, who grew it, who brewed it.
We
sat in a circle and were guided in a sort of prayerful,
intention-setting song. The ceremony affected me deeply. I felt tears
before I knew it.
The
chanting reminded me of the many cycles of life my blood has seen. The
cadence made me think of life and death; the inevitability of my own and
my loved ones' demise - this all playing out in the context of the
beauty of nature and the seed and gift of love. I cried and that was
okay. That was not the only time I got emotional during the ceremony and
preceding dance.
The
leader of the ceremony was also the head DJ, Andrew Avocados aka "DJ
Aguacate." His messaging was deeply hippie and he spoke whimsically,
like a fairy. I generally reject the mindsets of hippies. But on this
night I was like Cher when that preacher in Memphis asked her if she was
a Christian.
Truly,
though, my mind has opened up and found space for the hippies here. I
now feel that, even if I do not agree with everything that they say, I
do agree with certain elements and I can stomach their overall message. I
am willing to open myself and learn in their direction.
Chaos/Ecstasy
The
dance began like we were in middle school. You know, someone announces
the dance has begun and the first thing everybody does is head for the
nearest exit -- evacuating the dance floor.
I
knew nobody at the event -- and so I felt almost as much anxiety at the
prospect of exiting the dance floor to socialize as I did at dancing by
myself.
Dance begins
with a single movement. I focused on a single movement, and then
another. Before long, the dance floor was no longer empty.
Time passed and more faces entered Gaia Dance Temple. I recognized faces from other parts of towns, activities, and places.
Signs
I'm
not sure if you've heard this, but I sure have - alot - especially in
the last year of my life... Oddly coinciding events ("synchronicities"
or "kismet") indicate your progress upon a sacred path.
That
path is supposedly hidden from one's own faculties of conscious
observation... It is only through synchronicities that one realizes they
are on the, otherwise, invisible path. One traverses the sacred path
in subconscious harmony with destiny/energy.
The
signs are almost impossible sequences of almost impossibly coincidental
happenings... chance meetings, unlikely occurances, when Ash Ketchum saw
Ho-Oh at the end of episode I, etc. Some people call it bull shit. But
guess what; you are also bull shit and know very little about anything.
Important for context.
This
topic came up in conversation with, Ry, another Digital Nomad I'd met
at my favorite little coffee shop. This was my first spiritual-y
conversation with a digital nomad; it was awesome and evidence that the
business person can thrive out where worlds collide.
(Note: as I edited this article for publication, I am on a writers retreat on the edge of San Pedro... I walk into a coffee shop after finishing the final draft and Ry walks right in... First time I've seen her in two weeks, and its as random of a place to find her as is possible.)
Back to Ecstasy
In the context of ones progress on a sacred path denoted by synchronicities, I want to discuss an interesting event:
I attended a Unity Circle. This is a sort of intentional practice where men and women share thougths and emotions.
This
particular Unity Circle was co-hosted by a woman, Crystal, who'd set
out a deck of Tarot-ish, spiritual-being cards. I was the first person
to arrive and so I selected one face-down card.
...Wait, I think I need to backtrack...
Me: Once Sleepless in Seattle, now Pedantic in San Marcos
If
you read my previous blog posts, you'll see that I had been struggling
with feelings of being trapped; fears of stunted development. These
fears became the character of my idle musings when I was a 20-something
living on my own in the strange, new city of Seattle -- where I'd
arrived knowing nobody. That's what used to keep me up at night.
Those
feelings had returned for some days here in San Pedro. I am not the
same young man I once was, and so I was able to break those thought
patterns through conscious action. That was awesome, but release came
more like a coconut leaking juice than the cathartic, waterfall release
I'd expected. I'd starved my anxieties of their food supply and they
were falling off, dead, in chunks.
So
here we have me, pedantic, taking a boat across Lake Atitlan to the
town of San Marcos to play my normal AM basketball on Tuesday. At the
center of San Marcos, there is a beautiful court with young people from
all around the world playing full-court basketball. I had music blaring
in my ears and I was tuning myself up for some serious competition --
but when I arrived, there were chairs and tables set up all over the
court. Apparently, the space was being used in a municipal event for the
day. I left my group of deflated international ballers and went to
explore San Marcos.
I
was wandering around, and eventually decided to find an off-the-path
coffee shop to work from. I followed signs for a coffee shop that ended
up shuddered/closed -- but right next to it was a beautiful, otherworldy
set of stairs. Each stair was set with a beautifully painted ceramic
plate sealed in by laquer/epoxy. The staircase was painted in the dark
hues of space and splashed with cosmic purples, blues, and radiant
oranges. The stone-white handrail was wrapped with old, tangling vines.
It was like walking on a galaxy. Pretty cool. How could I resist?
I
decided to walk up the stairs under the pretense that I was looking for
the "real" cafe. I felt kind of like Jack did when he climbed the
beanstalk. If memory serves, he knew he was not headed where he had
expected to go, but continued to follow with his curiosity.
I
ascended the staircase, arriving into another chamber painted like the
swirling interior of a nebula. Drooping plants hung from an ornately
tiled ceiling, creating the effect of a sort of plant wall where the
space was otherwise open-air. Great clay fire-places in the corners
burned bunches of spices. The air smelled amazing. I continued through
to a door, on the other side of which was clearly a more mundane
domicile. I stepped into what was the living room and there was a man
sitting cross legged on the couch.
The
man had long brown hair and loose fitting clothing tied in a pony-tail.
This was Drazzo, a man who'd go on to take me under his wing.
Drazzo's
first words to me were "are you okay?" The way he looked at me and
asked me cut through to my unsettled core, what I called my being
pedantic -- the slow leaking coconut -- and I told him "no" I was not.
Before long, he'd invited me to a Unity Circle. I'd read about this
event before and had noted to myself that I'd like to attend. He was
leading the event, apparently, and it was starting in that starry
chamber room within the hour.
Back to Ecstasy -- Again
I
selected one of the Tarot cards entitled Hi'AKA What I took
from the description was an invitation to dance under the moon... and
that dance started with just a nothing more than a single movement.
I didn't take the card's guidance to be divine instruction as much as I did good advice for my back pocket.
You
see, dancing; moving my body without control; does not come naturally
to me. I feel almost like Basil from The Picture of Dorian Grey, who
feared everybody would know he had a gay crush on Dorian Grey if ppl saw
his (magnificent) painting. I am apparently embarrassed to express
myself without the sieve of critical thought.
That's
not right in my opinion. That's how humanity poisons the deep lake that
feeds. That's how a human cages something and it rots away, becoming
monstrous.
Dancing in the Moonlight
The
moon shined down above the Estatic Dance Ceremony, now in its third hour.
String lights and stars twinkled in the sky over the dance
floor. I thought to the tarot card's advice; dance begins with one
movement. I thought about it and I thought about expressing what was
deepest in my soul in a single, unfettered movement, and then the next
movement, and every one that came afterward.
It
was beautiful. I was touched. I drifted away from the dance floor and
in to conversations with people who all provided me with poiniant
guidance:
From Leoni I learned about the natural progression one feels in ecstatic dance:
1. The Regular World
2. Staccato
3. Chaos
4. Integration
5. Stillness
From
Rich, who is actually a basketball friend, I learned that I was not the
only one feeling negative emotions or anxiety during the dance.
From
Iofha (pronounced "Efa"??? - idk) I learned what stillness looked and
felt like. Iofha was like a goddess. She was about 6 feet tall, with
electric blue eyes, wearing white bands that flowed through the air as
she moved. She came by herself and had big Persephone energy.
These
people helped me to release; and this event was less fun than it was
extremely powerful for me. Way better than middle school dances which
always left me feeling empty because I would not dance -- except for
that 8th grade dance up the hill where me and Ben Mitchell got hopped up
on Bawls Guarana energy drinks and he passed out on the floor in a fit
of laughter. That was lit.
Overall,
I kind of choked down Ecstatic Dance, but I got it down. I am clearly a
neophyte when it comes to expression. That chaotic dance floor was
unlike any Id touched.
After
it was over, I spoke to many of the people I'd danced with -- for the
last 5 hours -- for the first time. It was funny to me how the dynamics
shifted so much once we spoke. After speaking with a person I'd
previously spent 320 wordless minutes dancing with, I felt a new dynamic
appreciation for that person -- something plumbed in from a totally
differing dimension. Bodies and voices do not say the same things.
I had a blast, overall. I met really interesting people and just had a fantastic experience. I will certainly do it again.
